movin' as a unit!

THE TRIBE.

[North Fork with the BEST people.]

I(t)=(E/R)e^-t/Γγ

I asked Victoria to tell me a simple physics equation that symbolizes something moving really quickly, then stopping abruptly. She says she’s not very good at physics, but that she vaguely remembers the speed of electrons, which is “pretty damn fast”: I(t)=(E/R)e^-t/Γγ

[running to do some chilly oceanic time with alex and mike.]

It’s Dead Week again. This quarter feels like it’s barely happened- all of us have been running seemingly endless miles at unbelievable speeds. But I’ve seemed to come to an abrupt stop- right before the finishing line. I can get into a weird funks sometimes- just letting my mind go off the deep end of where I’m going, what I’m doing, who I’ll become- and the worst of where I’m at now and am I satisfied? & Do I need to be satisfied all the time? Can I handle the answers right now?

I’ve been driving back and forth to see my parents so much more than I used to this quarter. They live in Tri-Cities, so only an hour away. Mostly, I leave on a whim, deciding moments before hitting the highway that I’m actually going. Yesterday, I got out of my 9 o’clock class, borrowed Chandler’s keys and took off.

I’ve made the drive to Tri-Cities and back well over a thousand times. I don’t feel like I’m exaggerating that number either. I began the drive back in high school and I’ve continued to make it on a fairly regular basis since then. The long roads and curves of the hills help to smooth out the wrinkles in my thoughts; loosen up the knots in my brain. Going up and down and around swift corners, it feels like taking deep breaths. Like yoga for my brain! Brain yoga. But sometimes, like yesterday, I just let conflict build up in my head and ignore the stupid hills.

Then I stand in our wide open warm kitchen, my mom is whipping up omelets like we’ve just woken up; and I let the words tumble out of my mouth like a landslide.

I tell my mom I have chronic frustration. Why am I unsatisfied? Where am I going, what am I doing, who am I becoming? Why is this wound not healing, while others have already scarred over? Here- I have an idea, how will I make this happen? How do I turn conviction into action? How do I decide where to lay my heart at night? Tell me what you think. No- tell me what to do.

Her answer is logical. It realigns me. God is working things out for His good. The world does not revolve around you. He will come to you, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be looking. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be working. That doesn’t mean you should stop dreaming or believing. And it doesn’t mean you have to separate all your chaos into boxes, labeling them, and putting them on the shelf. Because when your mind gets twisted in knots, or when you overanalyze situations in your head, the only way out of that is logical. Things can look completely different in your mind than they are in actuality. See the bigger picture.

There are bigger things happening here than just you. Now go back to Walla Walla. Do work, you little crazy electron.

dim horizons.

Lord, help me. 

The sea is so wide, and my boat is so small.