Over the weekend, I was on my way to the Oregon coast. It was getting late and I had to stop at a truck stop to grab a cup of coffee and charge my phone (my car doesn't have a charger). It was one of those truck stops that is all-inclusive. Big restaurant open 24 hours, a motel, big spaces where truckers park their semi trucks.
I sat down in a booth, plugged in my phone, poured a cup of coffee, and started chatting with the waitress and another truck driver. They were such good company after about six hours on the road listening to audiobooks. We talked about the Pendleton Woolen Mills, things to do in Denver, and Walla Walla Main Street.
Then a girl came in who was obviously in bad shape- as in she was clearly a junkie. She asked to sit next to me and we started talking. She was 23 years old, she was at a loss for a place to stay that night, she looked exhausted, and man...she looked rough. Twitching and not able to look people in the eye for more than two seconds. And I'll be honest, I didn't really feel that bad for her because I know that we are all a product of our circumstances, but also our choices, and it didn't seem like she was real capable of making good decisions. I'm a little judgmental and I know you are too, so let's just be open about that.
I believe in the vibes you get from other people, and her vibes were good, so I offered her a ride to Eugene, which was about a half hour away. She said she had a friend that she could stay with there. As we drove, she munched on two giant Costco shortbread cookies, one in each hand. I guess she hadn't eaten all day and that was all I had to offer. She told me about leaving her home in Alaska and how she wanted to get her life back together, but wasn't exactly sure how to take all the correct steps in the correct order. She wanted her mom to come get her, to just pick her up and take her home. She called herself "gutter", as in how trashy she felt. "I'm so gutter right now."
And this is the part where I began to reflect on my own problems a little bit. I've had my highs and lows for sure. I've struggled with anxieties, finances, getting my own life back on track so many times, I have an extra hard time taking all the correct steps in the correct order, but I had never felt like I was "gutter." There was something so sickening about that word to me. She said it again and I looked at her seriously and said, "Dude, I think there would be some improvement made by not calling yourself that. Cause you're not gutter. You're just a girl trying to make it work." She paused, and agreed.
As she was getting out of the car, I asked if I could give her some money and she said, "Yeah, if you want to ma, but not too much okay? Cause I just need to eat a little, nothing else." So I gave her enough for something to eat, but not enough for something to smoke. "Becka, thank you. I appreciate you a lot. Thanks so much," she said. I took my necklace off and put it on her as a blessing. I told her I'd dedicate my meditation time to her, and she asked me to focus on healing, healing, healing. Then I left.
One thing I don't believe in is that everything happens for a reason. I think that things just happen and that you can be thankful for those experiences, whether they were good or bad, hurtful or healing. This is an experience I think I could easily forget and let go of. That I could easily give no value to, because she was just a random girl and I'm in a rut in my life where nothing feels like it matters much. I'd been feeling pretty beige. We meet so many people in passing and may never see them again.
But this girl reawaken a compassion in me- for others who are struggling, and for myself. We must place our blessings of love on others to give them strength and encouragement. We must accept blessings of strength from others. I hope never to be the kind of person who thinks I can make it on my own, and I was definitely becoming like that, but this helped bring me back to earth a little bit.
