lull-a-bye bye!

from late April

it feels so weird to be at a lull. a period of nothing, the eye of the storm, a day where everything is in slow motion. my classes are so easy, i've shut big emotional doors and opened others. i'm standing in the no-man's land with nothing to do. a lull. how many people experience this?

so i stayed in bed all day yesterday. well- not all day. i took my little 5-year old friend Georgia to school at 8am (mornings with Georgia are either the best or the worst part of my day. we can be all giggles or all tears. kids have so much to teach us), then crawled back to bed fully decked out in my rain shell and wool socks (it had been pouring) and woke up at 11:30. i felt like a deflated party balloon. my head was throbbing, my vision was a little blurry like looking into a steamy mirror.

nick ham came and checked on me at lunch. nick ham is a good guy. he cares so deeply for his friends- it amazes me. he goes, "you're bummed out, are you sure you're okay? this isn't normal for you." "yes, nick ham, i'm just so tired!" he came back 4 hours later- i was still reciting the same line. 

maybe more than anything, it's my heart that's tired. hearts need  so much attention. they need to move around, get comfortable, they shrink in fear, they swell with pride. and most of it depends on how other's treat your heart, not just you. 

last week, our front window shattered when a gust of wind blew through our apartment and slammed the front door shut. it was boarded up and our kitchen was perpetually dark (we've failed to replace the light bulb). i've placed candles circling around my oven in order to cook. i tell my mom often that i think what a person needs in order to function in the place they live is good lighting. good lighting and a clean kitchen. so naturally, i figured "that's why i'm so tired! horrible lighting and dirty dishes for days."

so i got up and

-washed the dishes

-took the trash out

-organized the junk on the coffee table

-watered my sunflowers

-ate 25 blackberries

-drank a liter of water

-swept the floors

-hung up my clean clothes (which have been sitting, waiting, for a week) & stuffed all my laundry in it's basket
-cleaned the bathroom sink!
- organized my headbands...by colour
-made my bed. twice.

i need to learn how to embrace lazy days.