Lately, and not so lately

Awkward space. That's where you'll find me. Not quite a believer, not quite a doubter, and not very interested in toeing any line in trying to define either of those. Respectful space is maybe a better name for it.

I'm Switzerland. Which my friend Walter would describe as neutral, but also armed. Each day, I wake with appreciate for life and sometimes total disgust for the frustrating things in life- going to a job I sometimes find boring, lack of sleep, sore muscles, a loud dog, a loud cat, loud neighbors, no money and lots of debt, and no toast left in the kitchen.

But I try to focus on the good things. Maybe sometimes that's all your can do. I'm excited to get married to my one true wild man lover in Yosemite; excited to see how far I can run without stopping; excited to catch up with my friends and know where they are right now, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I am excited to be a listener and a student right now.

I've received so much help and education in the past year, and the awkwardrespectful place it has put me in is just where I'm at. I'm not a fighter for much right now, but I stand up for my people and my causes. My brain is clear and my heart is in the right place, but I also know the world is just moving very quickly around me.

But for some reason, suddenly, that's fine. I'm good just being myself right now with no particular definition or shape or affiliation, and not having to justify any of that to anyone. I feel like I've been trying to get to this place for a while now- a place of peace and respect and love and sometimes, awkwardness :).

Welcome Back!

Right now, I am in a very different place than I was last year at this same time. Let's call it a place of doubts and softness and lots of work and stresses, but also a deep sea of real love. 

Writing is a tough gig to play, kids! And I was ready to finally put it to sleep, but then I got an email that said my alma mater is publishing FIVE of my poems in this year's journal of literature and art. Which made my whole heart cry because I swear I write nothing but absolute shit, and someone out there thought that was pretty special. 

So maybe I won't let this blog die quite yet. Maybe I'll just try to get something on here every now and then. I'm trying to focus on having new experiences and making new connections to the people in my tiny town. So welcome back and we'll see how this goes.  

From this place

We were driving through tiny towns

And up through the hills, when I spotted our name

On a street sign in Dayton.

"Your great granddad," said my father. 

We are from this place, the wheat fields

and the Columbia.

An overrun cemetery stands, despite the grass and weeds, 

and there my great grandmother is the earth the farmers plow.

I had never realized, when I was 8-years old, 

that when we abandoned the coastline 

we were coming back to the place 

where we always belonged. 

Where all the stars were named

for us, long before we were born.