so often staying + leaving

"You come from a long line of educators," that's what I keep telling myself. My grandparents and my parents; my mother hold awards in teaching. So I don't understand how my jump into education doesn't come easy. Even though education is the solution to so many problems...
I have felt alone in it, working alone. And I also have been sleeping alone in my lonely house. I don't like sleeping in such an empty space. It's cold, even with taking all the blankets to myself. I remember times when it was so good to share blankets- that one time Janae crawled into bed with me with frozen toes. Many camping trips and sleepovers, nights in the back of the truck, movies on the couch. One time at Vantage at 2 AM, under a blanket of stars, I stuffed my down comforter deep into David's sleeping bag even though he was sandwiched between us. He was shivering for more- warmth & closeness. And I need more- probably more education honestly. I don't know enough about lots of things. And while I'm here, 23 years young, I'm trying to allow myself movement.
But I come from such a long line of educators! That's what doesn't change- the educators. How I need to be their advocate. How they don't get a fair deal, how they feel often cheated and frustrated, going to bed alone with their stressors, like I do often. Makes me want to stuff myself into a sleeping bag, too, and not come out.Or I could decide to come out, be wild, find warmth under the sky, and God's bright safe blanket of stars.

funny faces + easy remedies.

On a boat! Safer than our car...

My eyebrow has been twitching for a week now; little uncontrollable muscle spasms causing my left eye to to shimmy and shake. It never announces when it's going to start or stop. I finally googled "Why is my eyebrow twitching?" and learned that I needed to drink less coffee, more water, and sleep for eight hours. Another remedy would be to give my face a mini massage- give it some focused physical attention and it should settle down. That sorta made sense to me since a good "remedy" for people having anxiety attacks is a bear hug, to bring down their blood pressure.

The other night, Nick and I were in a car accident* on our way back to California after Thanksgiving break. When the car behind us smashed into the back of the Subaru out of the blue, I hit the bridge of my nose on the steering wheel and involuntarily began shaking, unable to hold still, just like my eyebrow. The grinding metal and shattering glass sounded disgusting. I saw our bikes, previously perched on the rack, lying entangled on the highway behind us. My brain power went pretty kaput at that point.

But it's Wednesday now and I remember that at one point the always-supremely-calm Nick had grabbed my face in the middle of my shock; he was checking to see if I was hurt and asked if I was okay. Which eventually I was after he held my face, held my hand, held my body tightly up against his on the side of that traffic-jammed highway, giving it some of that much needed focused attention. 


*don't worry, we're totally fine.