so often staying + leaving

"You come from a long line of educators," that's what I keep telling myself. My grandparents and my parents; my mother hold awards in teaching. So I don't understand how my jump into education doesn't come easy. Even though education is the solution to so many problems...
I have felt alone in it, working alone. And I also have been sleeping alone in my lonely house. I don't like sleeping in such an empty space. It's cold, even with taking all the blankets to myself. I remember times when it was so good to share blankets- that one time Janae crawled into bed with me with frozen toes. Many camping trips and sleepovers, nights in the back of the truck, movies on the couch. One time at Vantage at 2 AM, under a blanket of stars, I stuffed my down comforter deep into David's sleeping bag even though he was sandwiched between us. He was shivering for more- warmth & closeness. And I need more- probably more education honestly. I don't know enough about lots of things. And while I'm here, 23 years young, I'm trying to allow myself movement.
But I come from such a long line of educators! That's what doesn't change- the educators. How I need to be their advocate. How they don't get a fair deal, how they feel often cheated and frustrated, going to bed alone with their stressors, like I do often. Makes me want to stuff myself into a sleeping bag, too, and not come out.Or I could decide to come out, be wild, find warmth under the sky, and God's bright safe blanket of stars.