sand circles.

I love camp- it feels wild and free and blessed and protected and the people smell and feel like love and laughter. I feel myself there.

But I’ve been keeping a literal pocket journal in my literal back pocket for the past 3 weeks because time was running a fast marathon and I can’t keep up! And up until the very last week of camp, I was still figuring out why I was sent there. For sure, God wanted me to be there- if God had not wanted me to be there, I would not be there.

 Logic.

And I was having crazy adventures with amazing people- good and sometimes dangerous, but always new and exciting- so I was definitely not complaining about being there.

But that last week of camp. Mmmmmm things got all shook up! Connecting with campers has become more of a priority this summer than before. I don’t think I have the stamina nor the wisdom and patience to be a counselor; but connecting with kids while their lives hang in the balance on the Challenge Course- inevitably they bond with you.

Alexis is totally that girl- she’s probably 15 and real quiet. Every day, religiously, she would sign up to do any Challenge Course activity she could. Throughout the week, we bonded. She would tell me how much she loved being up high, and I would let her wear my personal harness so she would feel extra appreciated. She made me feel so cool, especially when I got to teach her about all the ropes and knots and gear.

And on Friday night, while the Teen campers were having worship and taking communion, Emily came running to find me as I was about to climb into my sky high hammock (the whole point of being up there is to not be find-able). Usually they don’t let all the staff going to the Teen camp Friday night worship because it’s supposed to be a very personal, emotional time for the kids to connect with Jesus, which is why I wasn’t there. Emily said, “Alexis wants you. She would really love to talk to you.” And how much she had to say! And to me, of all people! Her desperate desire for safety in God’s love was wrecking her, and me. We just looked into each other’s teary eyes and I recognized why God had sent me to Leoni.

Afterwards, I ran out to the meadow and looked up at the endless, endless space and thought of how little separates me from God in such a vast world. All I could think, feeling so in love with Jesus, was “How did I get here? How did You know to put me here?”

Liz Gilbert wrote in Eat, Pray, Love something like “A long time ago, God drew a circle in the sand on the place you’re standing right now. You were never not coming here; this was never not going to happen.” I haven’t thought about that in a long time. But the last week of camp, nothing seemed more true.