funny faces + easy remedies.

On a boat! Safer than our car...

My eyebrow has been twitching for a week now; little uncontrollable muscle spasms causing my left eye to to shimmy and shake. It never announces when it's going to start or stop. I finally googled "Why is my eyebrow twitching?" and learned that I needed to drink less coffee, more water, and sleep for eight hours. Another remedy would be to give my face a mini massage- give it some focused physical attention and it should settle down. That sorta made sense to me since a good "remedy" for people having anxiety attacks is a bear hug, to bring down their blood pressure.

The other night, Nick and I were in a car accident* on our way back to California after Thanksgiving break. When the car behind us smashed into the back of the Subaru out of the blue, I hit the bridge of my nose on the steering wheel and involuntarily began shaking, unable to hold still, just like my eyebrow. The grinding metal and shattering glass sounded disgusting. I saw our bikes, previously perched on the rack, lying entangled on the highway behind us. My brain power went pretty kaput at that point.

But it's Wednesday now and I remember that at one point the always-supremely-calm Nick had grabbed my face in the middle of my shock; he was checking to see if I was hurt and asked if I was okay. Which eventually I was after he held my face, held my hand, held my body tightly up against his on the side of that traffic-jammed highway, giving it some of that much needed focused attention. 


*don't worry, we're totally fine.

It's November 29 and it's Birthday Time

Amsterdam, 2010 above and 2009 below

Whenever the clock turns to 11:29, the time has arrived to make a wish! Because ever since we were in high school, Kate Beck has been conditioning me to always make a wish on her birthday time. This year, I wish that everyone would get to know her a little better, so here you go!

1.       Her birthday is November 29. Whew, got that out of the way.

2.       She can run for days, or at least 12 miles (so however long that takes).

3.       Naturally blonde, but naturally smart as well.

4.       Naturally doesn’t get blonde jokes the first time around.

5.       Despite those things, has also learned how to do a handstand. 

6.       Is a super nerd (which means she's an English major).

7.       Could also pass as a super model.

8.       If she can add sweet potato to any given dish (or situation), she will.

9.       Can have a conversation with a llama.

10.   She will make you play Dutch Blitz, even if you don't want to.

11.   Manages to find all the good deals at yard sales.

12.   One time tortured me by making me do a cleansing diet with her for a week.

13.   Fluent in Spanglish.

14.   She is very good at harmonizing; in song, with babies, birds, kittens, but not directly with nature.

15.   Does not like nature.

16.   Does not like hiking.

17.   Does not like camping.

18.   Does not like dirt.

19.   Does not like sleeping outside.

20.   Does not like fire drills.

21.   Does not like being made fun of.

22.   Does not like it when she is not in the middle of the group photo.

23.   Yet always seems to be in the middle of the group photo.

24.   Has a perfect nose.

25.   But also has a college degree!

26.   Will eat directly off your plate without permission.

27.   Maintains an open closet policy with me. What’s mine is yours, even though I may never get it back (you are never going to wear all those sweaters anyways!).

28.   All the workout playlists on my iPod, she made.

29.   I look like a confused, weak, mangy ferret working out next to her so I try to avoid that at all costs. No one looks that good when they lift weights. Or run. Or do crunches. Or walk in general.

30.   Has always let me copy her Spanish homework. And math homework. And English homework. As well as History of Adventism homework.

31.   Has such a swagger that I would recognize that booty anywhere in the world, as long as she’s walking away from me.

32.   Gives the best gifts, and the best hugs.

33.   Makes the best coffee (and always remembers what you usually order).

34.   Creates so beautifully.

35.   Dances so wildly.

36.   Laughs so heartily!

37.   Believes so deeply.

38.   Loves so fully.

39.   Lives so freely.  

And truly, she is my greatest friend. Love you, bestie boo. Hope I didn't offeeeeeend yooooou! <3

Joshua Tree

A weekend of firsts: first time in Joshua Tree, first time using anchors made from cams and webbing and whatever else Sean rigged up, and first time Kjohn has ever climbed outdoors. Which is all good and quite significant.

the signature of every thing.

Let me preface this by saying, I am not disappointed at all  by the book I'm reading, but I do feel a little cheated by it because the title sucked me in- The Signature of All Things. When I read about part way through the book that the idea of "the signature of all things" was that God had pressed Himself into nature, like a lithograph, so that there would be signs and trails to him through every bit of nature, every flower, petal, stem, tree, and blade of grass- I thought that was extremely beautiful. And then there was no more elaboration in the book about it! That was the disappointing part. 

But it did make me think of where I see the signature of all things. Where God has pressed Himself into this planet and my life and the faces of my friends and family and strangers, too. It makes me think of my friend Danielle's mom who had knit her a blanket, and said prayers for Danielle the entire time she was weaving it together, so that her mother's prayer for her daughter would be caught in between the loops. To be carried always and lead Danielle back to where she came. The signature of a mother. 

It made me think of how I make fun of Nick because his eyes make the ladies swoon. I often tell him that we get a table right away at a restaurant or complimentary stuff because they'll look into his deep blue eyes and be instantly lost. But those are the same eyes that have witnesses so much life- and so much of my life! It is amazing that I can look into his eyes and know that there is something so far back in them, what they have seen, that brings me back home to his heart. And his to mine. That is a signature too. 

Or how I, too, like in the book, have examined a flower and found God's handwriting in it's wiring. In the way it moves and works and it is so similar to the way I move and I work. The joints and veins, my elbows and knees, and blood rushing back and forth to my heart. And I am in wonder and awe of how God has pressed Himself into me, as well, and I can look at my own hands and find Him there. 

Favorite Things

[from top left: new blue shoes; mate flavored pop; the Yosemite sunset; breakfast potatoes; adventures in downtown LA with Janae Rose; double decker slacklines; dating Nick Ham the Man; painting mountains; my parents and all the sunflowers they buy for me.]

Finding Liz Gilbert + Giving up on finding my passion

Downtown LA is not my favorite place to spend my time because of (a) the threat of car accidents (b) getting lost (c) no free parking and (d) getting lost. But Nick and I braved the drive to The Grove to check out the farmer's market on Monday. As we walked past Barnes & Noble on our way back to the car (trying to make it back within the two hours of free parking time bracket), I saw a poster in the window that read "Elizabeth Gilbert The Signature of All Things, October 14, 7:00 PM" which was Monday! I asked Nick if he would please please please please stay*, since it was only about 4:30 PM. Bless his heart, he said yes. 

I bought her new book for $22.00, which came with a wristband to the Q&A/book signing and a free bookmark. What I always wanted! And it turns out- hearing what she had to say what exactly what both Nick and I needed as young, creative people looking for something we may not need to find (insert sigh of relief here). 

On the creative process:

I tend to group all writers into a chunk of workers who are scattered. Mostly because in my writing (or any way that I experience my own creative process) I am scattered with no pattern. But Liz talked about working seasonally; the season of research, the season of writing, the season of introducing your work to the world, and the season of 'staring at the wall' (which means just chilling out). She grew up on a farm and so she tends to keep farming hours, which is to wake up before the rest of the earth and work steadily until about 11 o'clock. "Never hurry; never stop" is what she emphasized on the creative process. Just do your work, do your work, do your work, but don't rush through it and be persistent with it. Instead of following what inspires you, work to develop your creative process. "Inspiration is a one-night stand. Creativity is a 40-year marriage." Creativity will foster commitment, and vice versa. 

On finding your passion:

An girl in the audience about my age asked the question, "What is your advice for young people who aren't sure what they're passionate about yet and how do we find it?" She answered emphatically that she thinks it is very important that we don't let trying to find our passion cripple us. 

If you know you're passionate about something, great! But it was like she was saying that looking too hard for it would bring us down. And passion, for me, has done just that during the past year as I left college and moved to a new city. What is my passion?! Where do I find it?! I have thought so long and hard about it that it has crippled me from feeling passionate about anything really. Mostly, I have felt deeply discouraged about doing things that don't make me feel alive; like my life is being wasted because I am not doing what I was meant to do, but what is that anyways?! It's like being in a damn pressure cooker. 

"If you are feeling like that right now, I just want to release you from that! To liberate you from the burden of finding your passion. Instead, follow your curiosity." Tears were welling in my eyes because I felt the liberation. It is so less pressurized to feel free to explore the things I am curious about rather than to endlessly chase the things people have told me I need to catch.

More than anything, Liz seemed to want to convey that we should be bold, be deliberate and persistent, but also be free. To live lovingly & gently to yourself and to the people around you. And maybe to sum up this, I'll just quote what my friend Emily wrote lately and that is, "Life is just about arranging yourself and the things that are yours in the direction of loving those around you, those who are gifts to you. That's the task at hand." And that would add up to living passionately and curiously and creatively. 

*Just as a brief foot note, we spent all afternoon in B&N and ended buying another two books before leaving. Liz Gilbert's The Last American Man which we've already read and highly recommend and A Paramedic's Story by Steven Grayson for Nick, since he's just launching himself out into that wild world, which he also recommends. While you're at it, we also recommend Love Does by Bob Goff and Wild by Cheryl Strayed.

From Neruda-

Don't go far off, not even for a day, because -- 
because -- I don't know how to say it: a day is long 
and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station 
when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep. 

Don't leave me, even for an hour, because 
then the little drops of anguish will all run together, 
the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift 
into me, choking my lost heart. 

Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach; 
may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance. 
Don't leave me for a second, my dearest, 

because in that moment you'll have gone so far 
I'll wander mazily over all the earth, asking, 
Will you come back? Will you leave me here, dying?