My dad has a painting of Smith Rock and this year it’s been sitting against the wall in my apartment where I see it every day. I’ve been staring at this painting since I was little, and my dad told me years and years ago “You know, you could climb that.” After all this time, I did climb there- it was mind blowing.
In rock climbing, leading a new route can be the most exciting thing to look forward to. There’s a huge element of risk because you’re responsible for your own fate. Most of it at least- we’ll say you’re responsible for 60% of it and then your belayer takes the other 40%. You climb free to the first bolt, slap a quickdraw on it and pull your rope through the carabiner. Do this with one hand, while hanging on for dear life with the other. And it has to be done right! So it’s sketchy! Which is why it’s so awesome and why it can suck so much simultaneously!
So I’m climbing up the face of this huge slab (5.9 rating- gah!) and I get 3 bolts from the top after 30 minutes of clipping into bolts, holding the rope in my teeth, stressing, but just loving it. My toes are barely stable at the end of my last bolt and the next one is still 2 feet above my head, and all that there is to hold onto is…well, nothing essentially. How do people climb this stuff?? I analyzed the chalk markings left by previous conquerors and knew exactly what I had to do, but I hesitated, and here’s why:
I’m terrified of hitting my face. I’m scared of almost nothing except hitting my face on stuff. Dental work isn’t cheap and I want to keep my real teeth in my mouth for the rest of my life. And it’s so frustrating! Because I’m not afraid of falling or breaking bones or bleeding out- but heaven forbid I should smack my head into a rock and have to have a Frankenstein amount of plastic and dental surgery done, along with 6 months of recovery.
I’m stuck between these bolts, with a 50/50 chance of falling before reaching my next clip-in point and I’m thinking, “How did I just become so not stoked about this?” I’ve never taken a lead fall before and did not want to- I climbed back down. But I’m sure that once I do take that fall, I’ll learn my lesson and will take bigger risks- but until then, I just love my teeth too much.
Isn't that the craziest thought though when you're in the middle of two bolts then reality hits and suddenly all the hype is gone and only fear is left? Gosh, I wanna go climb. I'm glad I've seen you so much lately too! We'll keep it up!
ReplyDelete