Death isn't ideal. But isn't this always how you feel when you are not doing something you love? It's how I feel in Accounting class. Every. Day.
You start to question whether what you're doing is actually worth it. Is sitting in this classroom ever going to translate to doing something worthwhile in the real world? Will you be able to create something that will stick around after you're gone. Shoot son, don't we all just want to live full, happy lives? We so, so do!
I'm not happy in Accounting class. When I'm feeling disconnected from God (which is often). When I'm stuck at work when people are out climbing rocks and mountains. When I'm not with the people I love. When I'm poor. When I'm feeling inadequate. When I can't have what I want. When I'm not enjoying the life I've been so graciously given and making the most of it.
But the things that we don't like to do, those things are important, too, I think. How would we learn to really appreciate and cherish the things we love otherwise? Living a life you did not expect to live, one you didn't plan, is important to live! They build tenacity. They build trust in God. I don't know where I'm going with this. But it's been on my mind like the weight of a big rock. My schedule is crazy. My classes are hard. My jobs are demanding. And I'm wondering if it's actually worth it.
Mmmmhmmm. I don't know. I think there are times we're supposed to DO stuff and its painful. But sometimes, when I feel disconnected from God because of it, I question it too. I question if I'm supposed to move somewhere quiet and spend a larger fraction of time with God. But then I think that its probably just a lot easier to do somewhere else where the pad is slower, but I'd still have to make the time to do it. And maybe in the midst of all the craziness I just need to buckle down and get my priorities straight. I'm speaking to me-self :) Thinking of you! Love Emily
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