let me communicate this thought to you.

My friend Mark McMillan is more wild than dirt. Mark also has wild ideas. And he told me about one the other night when we crossed paths on College Avenue and sat down on the cold grass. 

He and his best friend (also named Mark, for novelty purposes I'm sure) had just gone on a backpacking trip that weekend where they did not speak to each other, by choice. They purposefully walked into the wild and planned on not saying a word to each other. 

As a student who has studied communication for the last five years, this made my heart rate speed up.  

Because I've always been taught that you can never be void of communication; communication is unavoidable. Even if you are silent, you are communicating a message. Even if you are holding still, you are communicating a signal. 

And tears began to well up in my eyes and I was wringing my hands saying, "That is so scary! I could never do that!" It was the end of a long couple weeks that had been filled with choppy communication with my family, my best friends, my God, and no communication at all with others; the final being the worst and most apparent. 

"Maybe that means you should try it!" is what he says, laughing that I'm so distraught. I could just imagine myself on top of a mountain with Mark, bawling my eyes out because I just want to know if he wants me to help him set up the tent! The uncertainty of the situation would kill me.

How many times have you just wanted someone to tell you what to do? Tell you how they are feeling, what they are thinking, planning, creating, wanting, hating, loving...

Imagine if you suddenly couldn't speak someone you're in a relationship with? What if they never communicated to you what irritates them, what they expect? What if you were the one that couldn't communicate a thought to them, a desire or a dream? Oh man, I can't believe I'm writing this, watch me start to panic again! The uncertainty would kill you. 

Uncertainty is the reason I walk away from relationships, friendships, job opportunities, new flavors of potato chips and alpine skiing. Because we just don't. know. the. outcome. 

It's why I have walked away from God in the past. Communication fell through the cracks in the floor and it felt so over. That's what walking into a vast wilderness and being silent the whole time means to me. But Mark and Mark didn't come to the end of their friendship out there on the trail. 

"It was such an incredible peace that came over us." Simply dwelling in the proximity of a friend brought peace, and not the kind that comes from communicating problems, questions, statements and thoughts out loud. But the kind that makes you feel comfortably safe in the presence of another being. Communicating your true self, how you are right then.

God communicates with us by "not" communicating sometimes. And hikes the mountains with me and you in silence when we can't talk about it, don't know what to say, or need to process everything in order to make our decision. He simply walks with us, carrying the packs and listening to the sounds of our heartbeats.